Monthly Archives: February 2018

The Paradise Tropical Spa Deli Gift Shop and Candy Store!

Image result for palm trees

 

Bridgeport, CT East Side, 1970

“Signs on the Wall and on the Door of the Paradise Tropical Spa, Deli, Gift Shop and Candy Store Owned by Marvin and Madge”

Only 3 children allowed in the store at a time

All children must place both hands on their heads while walking around the store, to prevent shoplifting and breakage

Children are not allowed in store during school hours

No talking or laughing

No eating candy or drinking soda in the store

Throw all trash in the trash can or I will throw you out!

The Deli and Gift shop half of the store is for adults only. No children allowed. This means you.

No talking back. If I had kids I would not allow such fresh talk.

All shoplifters will be arrested, convicted and sent to prison.

If you steal I will never FORGIVE and I will never FORGET

CASH ONLY!  No credit.  No favors.  Don’t ask.

If you BREAK something in the Gift Shop you just BOUGHT it.

If you want to READ a newspaper or a magazine you must BUY it first. This is NOT a public library.

Do NOT tie your dog up in front of the store. If you do I will call Animal Control.

 

If you are doing laundry at the Lots-o-Suds Laundromat next door, you are welcome to come into the Spa as long as you BUY something. You can’t come in and sit at the counter without SPENDING ANY MONEY. The same goes for those waiting for the bus. ALL YOU HAVE TO BUY IS A COKE OR A COFFEE OR A PACK OF GUM.  I AM NOT ASKING MUCH. JUST SOME COMMON COURTESY.

Do not put your gum under the counter or stools in the deli. Throw it in the trash.

No change given for Laundromat.

No change given for bus.

No change given for pay phone.

You can’t use the pay phone anyway, it is a BUSINESS phone.

MEN: You are hereby warned not to try to pick up women at the Paradise Tropical Spa.

No baby strollers allowed in the store.

 

MOTHERS: It is your job to watch your children, not mine. REMEMBER: SPANKING IS GOOD FOR CHILDREN, IT BUILDS CHARACTER.

 

No swearing allowed in the Spa. Kids who swear will get their mouths washed out with SOAP.  Adults who swear will be told to SHUT UP OR LEAVE.

Kids and Teens: no fighting in front of the store. Your parents will be called!

No drinking alcohol. That includes Beer. This means you. There’s a bar across the street. Go drink there.

If you smoke cigarettes, put your BUTT in the ashtray or I will kick your BUTT out the door!

Do not panhandle in front of the store or the police will be called!

No gambling, card playing, shooting dice in front of the store.

 

No shopping at Tony’s Deli down the street. He is my MORTAL ENEMY. If I catch you shopping there you are BANNED FOR LIFE from the Paradise Tropical Spa.

 

Do NOT bring outside food or drinks into the  Deli and EXPECT TO SIT AT THE LUNCH COUNTER AND NOT BUY ANYTHING.

NO REFUNDS on anything, including Money Orders.

Do NOT hand out religious tracts or pamphlets in front of the Tropical Spa. There are several churches down the street.  Go there and hand them out.

 

We’re Closed all week due to illness.

The Paradise Tropical Spa is Open again.

 

Back to School Special! Free pencils to first 20 law-abiding children. Must be quiet, respectful, and well-behaved.

Remember! The Paradise Tropical Spa, Deli, Gift Shop and Candy Store is Truly a Paradise for PAYING customers to Enjoy. Air-Conditioned in the Summer and Heated in the Winter. No Thieves, Freeloaders or Unsavory Characters will be Tolerated.

 

Wipe your feet on the Welcome Matt. Do Not track mud into Paradise.

KIDS: IF I catch you stealing candy bars, I will call the Police first, your Mother second. Then I will call your GRANDMA.

KIDS: No spilling Coca-Cola. ADULTS: No spilling Coffee.

 

Closed for next two weeks due to illness.

The Paradise Tropical Spa is Open again!

 

If you have a birthday party, it wouldn’t hurt you to bring me a piece of Chocolate Cake.

No sitting in your car out front listening to the radio. This is not allowed!

LADIES: Do NOT hang around the Tropical Spa flirting with men. This is a FAMILY establishment and loose women will not be tolerated.

I DO NOT take messages for Gino’s Hardware Store down the block. If he’s not there, it’s not my problem.

No whining or complaining allowed, except by the owners.

 

For the first time ever, the Paradise Tropical Spa will give out candy this Halloween to trick-or-treaters. First Come, First Served. DO NOT LEAVE CANDY WRAPPERS ON THE GROUND. THERE IS A TRASH CAN IN FRONT OF THE SPA.

 

If you STEAL, you are causing me to LOSE profits, If I LOSE profits the prices will go UP and UP and UP.

 

All thieves, losers, drunks, whiners, loud talkers, loud laughers are BANNED for LIFE from the Spa. This is a LOSS for YOU not ME.

 

We will be closed Thursday and Friday due to funeral services.

 The Paradise Tropical Spa, Deli, Gift Shop and Candy Store will Re-Open tomorrow. My dear husband Marvin is gone, but I am still here to run the Spa and enforce the rules. I missed all of my devoted and well-behaved customers. I didn’t miss those who were BANNED for not following the RULES. It’s their fault they  were kicked out of Paradise! Your proprietor,  Madge

PS: Stop by and have a hot cup of java with me!

 

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Fiction

Copyright © 2018 by Sara Jacobelli

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Case #3509745 has been published in Postcard Shorts!

My flash fiction piece Case #3509745 has been published on Postcard Shorts! You can read it here: http://www.postcardshrts.com/read-2613.html

Postcard Shorts features flash fiction and flash nonfiction/memoir short enough to fit on a postcard. (Approximately 250 words or less).  I have quite a few stories published on this site. You can search the index by author and by title. You’ll find a wide variety of stories here: from general literature to science fiction, mystery, memoir and humor. You might want to write and submit a story of your own.

 

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Filed under Literature, New Orleans, short stories